The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
