They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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