I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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