I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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