Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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