I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
