i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
