That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
