Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I want a musical about memes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
