roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
ttyl tear gas
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is my gift to your gina
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
