im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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