If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
