I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
