i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
