guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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