just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
