eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
