My brain says no but my pants say off.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
