I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
