No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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