walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you would pick up someone in the library
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your cock deserves a montage
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
