the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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