when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
