don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
