You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is my gift to your gina
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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