We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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