omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so explain again why im purple
no
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
