If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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