...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
