Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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