flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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