Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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