it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
