Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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