I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
