just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just found puke in my bra..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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