i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
