Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
