His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
