Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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