Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am available for nakedness
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
