If i come over, it means nothing
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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