Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
