who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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