So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
