I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
