I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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