I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
