Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
