i just had sex bonerless
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
